Hotels and beach clubs, noon to five, tiered packages: soft drinks (nobody), house (most people), premium (people on someone else's company card). The food is beside the point.

There is always a man with a trumpet. He is booked, he is paid, and he will find your table at exactly the wrong moment. There are dancers on platforms, underdressed and unbothered, who have been doing this since noon and will be doing it long after you leave.

By 4pm someone has suggested a boat. Sunday is a write-off. Nobody talks about Sunday.